It's been a rough 2 days. I have spent the last 2 days sick at my stomach, crying, and taking headache medicine. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it but I can't concentrate on anything else. Actually I have talked about it. To my boyfriend, my mom, my kids, the neighbors, the police, the assistant principal. This blog is more like a diary. I think only 3 people have read it. So if it helps me get things out then I can handle judgement from 3 more people.
I have difficult kids. They are impulsive. They do stupid things without thinking. They have a difficult time taking responsibility for their own actions. They can be disrespectful. They have anger management issues. I love them with all my heart.
My 8 year old started a fire in a vacant lot. There was alot of tall dry grass on the lot. The fire spread....quickly. Neighbors saw it and called the fire department and helped put it out. Thankfully no one was hurt and it did not reach any houses but it came close.
My 14 year old got in trouble at school....for the 14th time this year. He will be going to alternative school next year. I'm okay with this (the consequence, not the getting in trouble.)
My boys told me today they are not allowed to hang out with their closest friends anymore because of these things. I'm sure there is other stuff...my kids get in trouble a lot. I can't get in touch with the mom to find out if this is true or not, but another mom in the neighborhood has told me her son is not allowed to play with my boys. I'm trying not to be bitter, but I'm a little pissed. Best friends' mom knows our history and has never had a problem with me taking her boys to and from church on Wed nights so she can go out on dates or having me take them to and from school when they've missed the school bus and she is working or out of town. Her boys bring BB guns over to my house and I've had to tell them and her my kids aren't allowed to play with those.
I get it. I wouldn't want my sons hanging with people who were bad influences. But it still hurts. I want to move away. I want to start over. I want everything to be all better. Instead I have to drive by those houses and hold my head up every time I leave the neighborhood and every time I come back home. Instead I have to listen to my other 14 year old tell me how unfair it is that he can't go to his friends' houses because of the things his brothers have done. Instead I have to sit here at my computer pretending not to cry while we are all cooped up in the house because the boys can't go to their friends' houses or have company and I don't feel well enough to take them anywhere.
oh, I'm sorry!!! You hang in there!! You will all get through this. These boys will be amazing men who do not set fires, and you will be a very large part of WHY that is.
ReplyDeleteI remember experiencing some of what you're describing. My oldest told the principal and teachers and friends' parents HORRIBLE things about me that weren't true. I never knew how much, or to whom, but had to learn to hold my head up and ignore the dirty looks and meet the well-intentioned confrontations about things I'd never done... with understanding. they meant well. They'd been lied to, but they meant well. It was awful. And it blew over. It's been years, but I go into that school all the time and never worry about those things anymore.
Ok, so you posted this a while back and Ijust found you, but I'm gonna comment on this anyways. I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. But remember that you aren't alone and parents like to have another child to blame as the bad influence instead of accepting that their own kids aren't perfect and it sounds like this is what your kids friends are doing. But just so you know you aren't alone....
ReplyDelete16 yr old when he was 14 started a fire in our back yard. a BIG fire.
this same kid also was dealing drugs at his highschool. Got caught shoplifting at Walmart last summer and, I swear to God I am not kidding about this last thing. He tried to take a hit out on me. He now lives in Washington and isn't allowed contact with us. There was a lot of other stuff he did but i'm not going there.
14 yr old (daughter) was banned from neighborhood kids last summer for being a bad influence. Has taken anger management classes (although that info isn't known throughout the fmaily so if you stop by my blog don't mention that little bit of info). And we put her in homeschool for 8th grade (thank God it's almost over!) to keep her from getting in more trouble at school.
My kids aren't perfect either. They don't accept responsiibility for their own actions and sometimes I don't like them very much, but they aren't ruined. They are good kids (except our 16 yr old, he might be a lost cause)who do dumb things to see what happens and then don't want to admit to it. They will grow up and regret all the pain they caused you and love and appreciate you for being there for them.
Keep being a strong mommy. Eventhough daughter can be crazy she can still be so sweet and loving sometimes it can make me forget how awful she used to behave.