A block of cheese and a box of wheat thins

Just 2 of the many things that have gone missing from the kitchen only to turn up in the boys' rooms at a later time.  I'm tired.  Really. Really. Tired. I now have 2 kids in alternative school.  And 2 more who I'm doing my best to teach to do the right thing while they watch their brothers go down the absolute wrong path.  Their dad is checked out.  He doesn't have to deal with it on a daily basis so he just pretends everything is fine.  He doesn't show up for meetings at the schools and even though he only lives 5 minutes away he does not help out with discipline when the boys are acting up at home.  Not that I would expect much from him....he doesn't even come to soccer games....even when the boys are at his house for the weekend.  This isn't really about cheese or wheat thins but sometimes I wish it was.  If dealing with hungry boys pilfering food was the worst of my problems I would love it.  But it isn't.  It is about boys with a lack of respect for rules and laws and other people's things who are impulsive and want what they want when they want it and don't care about the consequences or who gets hurt in the process.

You

You say I am strong.
I am not.
You ask me how I am.
I lie.
You say you could not do this.
You have not had to.
You say you feel sorry for me.
That is not what I need.
You say you would do it differently.
You have not been in my shoes.
You blame, you point, you pity.
But you do not help.

Alabama LSU

I am watching the Alabama vs. LSU game tonight.  I'm watching because it should be a really good game, not because I care too much who wins.  I have decided to root for Alabama though.  Here are my reasons...

1. Geaux is not a word
2. Yellow and Purple?  Not a good combination.
3. Shelley from Big Brother was an LSU fan.
4. Alabama is ranked no. 2 behind No. 1 LSU and I like to root for the underdog.
5. Alabama is Red like my GA teams.
6. The Alabama A is similar the the Atlanta A for the Braves. 

Life goes on...

Today was a bad day....I spent most of it in bed. Things are not much better but I said I would update and try to have some positive things to say so here goes. In the middle of my life crisis...

• My Tiny Moon decided to turn 9.
• My oldest turned 21 and bought himself a beer....that he then didn't finish because he's not really a drinker... 
• I helped my boyfriend move.....it was rough, but we got it done in 2 days and now he is WAY closer to work. 
• Halloween! We had a bloody doctor, Scream, and a girl (he made a really good girl too!)
• Yes I have 4 kids who are trick or treat age.....but trying to stay positive here
• we didn't get any trick or treaters so I have lots of candy sitting next to me calling my name....
• I am down below 130 pounds....and trying not to listen to the candy
• I saved over 60% on my groceries using coupons
• One soccer season ended with a winning record
• One game left on the other and they are working on winning one game...

Unfortunately life didn't stop just because I'm going through a bad time.  Bills are piling up and the house is a mess.  Gotta get back on top of things.

I'm ok

I'm posting in order to move my last post down and not make people think that I'm suicidal or anything like that. I'm not and while things are really rough, I will get through this. Its not something I can blog about right now. I started this blog thinking it would be a place to write everything down almost like a journal and that no one would really read it but people occasionally wander by here and this is something that I just dont want out there. I'm signing off to go watch Nancy Grace to remind me there are people out there worse off than me. Hopefully I'll be back by next week with some more positive posts.

Too hard

Today was a really rough day. I cried all day long off and on. I dont know what to do. One of my teens cried himself to sleep. it was his own fault. It still hurt my heart to see and to know why. I have some big decisions to make. I dont want to make them. I just want things to be better and they aren't.

I am on steroids!

I don't go to the doctor....except for annual checkup at GYN because well I have to.  But I don't get sick and I don't go to the general practitioner.  Hadn't been in at least 3 years.  Until I started running...
I have a spinal condition called spondylolisthesis and when I first started running I was (and still am) having a lot of back and hip pain so I went in to get checked to make sure running wasn't making it worse.  The doctor said everything looked okay and that I needed to strengthen my core and sent me off with an anti-inflammatory and some muscle relaxers.  Which I don't take.  Because I'm not very good at taking medicine.  I don't like it and I don't remember to do it.  I did take 1 muscle relaxer.....I couldn't do anything the entire next day.  The anti-inflammatory only works if you take it regularly and doesn't really kick in for 2 or 3 days.  So I'm sticking to my ibuprofen and aleve.
But yesterday I was back at the doctor's office.  I really don't feel horrible.  I felt like I might be coming down with something and usually when I feel like that I deny that I'm sick and take some airborne...ya know, just in case.  But during my runs this week I have not been able to breathe after about 10 minutes.  Like literally gasping for air and feeling like my lungs are closing up. And then coughing and tightness after. Normally I would think okay time to take some Airborne and rest up a little.  BUT, I'm running a 5k on Saturday morning.  And since my last one took me 43 minutes I'm thinking that not being able to breathe for the last 33 minutes would not be good.  I thought they would give me something to break up the mucus that I just knew was beginning to fill up my chest and maybe give me an inhaler to use to make sure my lungs were opened up on Saturday.
My lungs were clear.  She asked me if I had acid reflux.  Well yeah and it's really bad, but I came in here because I can't breathe, not because I wake up in the middle of the night choking on yuck stuff from my esophagus (ok, gross, I know.)  Apparently it turns out that somehow acid reflux can trigger bronchospasms.  And so can running in cold weather.  And the weather here has just gotten colder over the past couple of weeks.  So I have been diagnosed with exercise induced bronchospasms and acid reflux.  I left the office with 3 prescriptions.  Which I am going to do my best to take.  I did get an inhaler to use before running and remembering that won't be a problem.  A 5 day dose of oral steroids to help with breathing should also be easy to take since it's a short time.  But I also ended up with a prescription for an acid reflux medicine that I have to take EVERY DAY....for 4 MONTHS!  I'm gonna try but not sure how that one is gonna go.  Did I mention I don't like taking medicine?
Took the steroids this morning and discovered a wonderful side effect.   My hips didn't hurt all day!  Then I ran tonight...2.8 miles.  My right hip did start hurting by mile 1 but my left hip did not hurt at all and still doesn't!  Now my only problem is that I have gotten slightly out of shape over the last couple of weeks from not being able to run as long, but I still took about 30 seconds off of my mile pace tonight so my goal Saturday is just to beat 43 minutes....I'm a really slow runner I know....